During the pandemic, my daughter took virtual classes while I worked from home.

That meant I was conveniently available for questions about her schoolwork.

A lot of questions.

Some genuinely needed my help. Others involved information she could have looked up herself.

At first, answering was easier. I usually knew the answer, or we could find it quickly.

Then I realized something.

By making myself the easiest place to get the answer, I wasn’t always helping her learn how to find it.

So I changed my response.

Instead of automatically answering, I’d ask:

“Where have you looked?”

Or:

“What have you found so far?”

And occasionally:

“I think you can find this one.”

Not always the response she wanted.

But the point wasn’t to withhold help. It was to recognize the difference between helping her learn and becoming her search engine.

That experience made me think about leadeship.

Someone comes to you with a question.

You know the answer.

Giving it takes 30 seconds, so you do.

Then another question comes.

And another.

Eventually, being helpful can create a pattern neither person intended: one person keeps asking and the other keeps answering.

There are times when leaders should give the answer. If someone needs information only you have, share it. If the risk of getting it wrong is significant, be clear. If someone genuinely doesn’t know where to begin, help them get started.

But when the answer is within reach, pause before supplying it.

“Where have you looked?”

“What do you think?”

“What options are you considering?”

Sometimes answering the question helps someone move forward.

Sometimes helping them find the answer helps them move forward without you the next time.

I learned that distinction while sitting at home during virtual school.

My daughter was learning.

Apparently, so was I.