Who are you?

It sounds like an easy question until you try to answer it without mentioning your job, your relationships or the roles you play in other people’s lives.

I’m a mother. A friend. A colleague.

All true.

But if I take away the titles and roles, what’s left?

That’s where the question gets more interesting.

So let’s make it a little more fun.

Try describing yourself with an adjective that begins with the same letter as your first name.

Years ago, mine was:

Radiant Ramona.

A little playful? Absolutely.

But exercises like this can reveal something. We all carry an internal picture of who we are.

Kind. Independent. Funny. Reliable. Reserved. Generous. Strong.

The more interesting question is how closely that picture matches the person other people experience.

Intention and Impact Don’t Always Match

We know what we meant.

Other people know what they experienced.

You may think you’re being helpful. Someone else may experience it as taking over.

You may describe yourself as direct. Someone else hears dismissive.

You may believe you’re easygoing while the people closest to you know exactly which three things you absolutely need done your way.

That’s where self-awareness gets interesting.

If doesn’t mean allowing other people’s opinion to define you. People can misunderstand us. They bring their own histories, expectations and assumptions into every interaction.

But when the same feedback keeps appearing from different places, it may be worth getting curious rather than defensive.

What are they seeing that I don’t?

Leave Room for an Updated Version

There’s another wrinkle.

Maybe the description you have of yourself used to be accurate.

The reserved person learned to speak up.

The person who always handled everything learned to ask for help.

A role that once defined you became one part of a much bigger life.

We change.

Sometimes our self-description doesn’t change with us.

So every once in a while, revisit the question:

Who am I now?

Not who you were expected to become.

Not the title attached to your name.

Not the version of you everyone else became accustomed to.

You.

And if Radiant Ramona no longer fits?

That’s okay.

I get to choose another word.

So do you.